• When someone walks slower than me: omfg your slow ass is clogging up the hallway for the rest of us put some pep in your step grandma
• When someone walks faster than me: jesus christ are you on the run from the police this isn't a race you can tone it down usain bolt
• When someone walks at the same pace as me: who gave your creepy ass permission to walk with me get the fuck away before I call the cops